is the pretty privilege in the room with us? yes, but …
mini essay on language | brand new single
Not sure if it’s ignorance or naivety, but I never knew pretty privilege was a thing, at least not until I was heavily on social media. I’ve always received "special" treatment of some kind, I simply assumed it was due to me being a girl/woman. I’ve learned so much since then.
Pretty privilege is the concept of being awarded and rewarded when you meet or exceed the threshold of social attractiveness (or come pretty close). On social media, “The Downsides of Pretty Privilege” often emerges, subsides, and then re-emerges as a trend where countless women voice their experiences of bearing the brunt of said privilege, arguably as a reminder to their less attractive counterparts that they too have it rough in this world.
Like any (almost) chronically online person, I subjected myself to the descent down the ‘pretty privilege downsides’ rabbit hole to see what all the hoopla was about.
So For The Record,
Are we saying that pretty privilege, the very concept that grants us social advantages/preferential treatment as opposed to those considered undesirable is also responsible for:
Men objectifying, harassing and/or sexually assaulting us?
The constant societal pressure to maintain appearance?
Automatically being considered less intelligent or competent?
Lack of recognition or minimization for things we’ve rightfully accomplished?
Social exclusion or jealousy as a result of others internalizing beauty standards?
Observations (from social media comments) suggest that the complaints about the downsides of pretty privilege come off as humble bragging. It appears as a backhanded attempt at relatability while also (as stated earlier) reminding their less attractive counterparts that they too have it rough. This can come off as disingenuous since it is considered unfathomable to complain about being perceived as pretty.
Benefits of pretty privilege include lenient treatment in legal situations, being deemed more trustworthy, possibly receiving free or discounted things just because, having more options when dating, and being made a top priority in any of the “markets” (social, professional, etc.). Can we truly say that what we benefit from is also what oppresses us?
I don’t think the appropriate language is being used to describe what’s actually happening here.
When we partake in discourse surrounding oppressive systems and/or sociopolitical frameworks, we must consider intersectionality; which should not be ignored, or else we risk invalidating or minimizing experiences. When someone calls this out, it’s not an attack or attempt at creating competition (as many creators and commenters mentioned), but a chance for additional insight to be considered. We exist under several oppressive systems and frameworks: misogyny, colorism, objectification, gender based violence, stereotyping, harmful beauty standards, etc.
The appropriate language already exists, why not use it?
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say some women are offended that their looks aren’t the sole reason for their negative experiences (this statement pains me to write tbh). Women across the board face negging, harassment, social exclusion, sexual assault, battery, and even murder, and it’s reductive when we attribute this to being pretty. If these are the downsides to being pretty, what are the downsides to being “ugly”? If society tries to humble the pretty, then God help the “ugly” when they have the nerve to display a mere ounce of confidence right?
Maybe the true downside is the pain of not reaping the (assumed) full spectrum benefits package of being perceived as pretty, like the part where one gets to bypass misogyny (or other systemic issues). That part doesn’t exist, never has. Maybe it’s the realization that the treatment thought to be reserved for the “ugly” can also extend to the pretty. At the end of the day:
The guy who’s constantly mansplaining already believes that men are more intelligent than women.
The jerks who won’t quit staring at our breasts see us merely as objects for their gratification.
Jealousy can be triggered by attractiveness, but so could material possessions or intellect.
Social exclusion can be caused by being attractive, but also by being unattractive, having terrible character or personality.
Sexual assault is more than often about a person’s desire to control or dominate, not the victims appearance.
Utilizing appropriate language and considering intersectionality is important when having discussions like this because they are more than likely rooted in deeper systemic issues.
Thank you so much for reading my first essay shared online that isn’t solely viewed by a professor. Feel free to like, comment, and/or critique (don’t make me cry though, or I’ll tell my mom). I’m still figuring my flow, and I’m loving the community here on SubStack and hope to connect with more of you. Bye :)
Yes, yes, yes! And thank you so much for reading!
Thank you so much for reading, I’m so glad you enjoyed! 😊😊😊